Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual neologism contest, in which
readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
2. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
3. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
4. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
5. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
6. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
7. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
8. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
9. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
10. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
11. Flatulence (n.),
emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
12. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
13. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
14. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners are:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.